What Do You Do When You Just Don’t Wanna?

What to do, what to do? I don’t want to. Motivation is a problem. Thoughts wander through my brain, but they do not linger. Spurts of energy, a day or two of getting things done, then – I don’t want to. So I don’t.

The brain isn’t in the “let’s go take pictures” mode. The brain isn’t in the do anything mode. So I sit in my morning room, looking out my window. Reading a little, playing silly games, oh yes! I must go do – something. Gather up Bailey balls and get them in the basket that is there to hold the Bailey balls, because she spreads them hither, thither and yon. Which is what Shasta does with her bones. I buy marrow bones for those big furry girls, which they love but which Shasta says she “needs”. Then, back to my window. Oh look, breakfast companions! Unusual for a Stellar Jay to be willing to share space with any other creature, so this must be recorded for history!
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Check my email, read the headlines. Depressing. The headlines do not inspire me to feel uplifted, creative, hopeful. Perhaps I need to develop more of a sense of humor when reading the headlines. Airplanes fall from the sky, we send troops into yet another country in the middle east, our politicians play political games, bowing to the groups that have the most money to fill their coffers . . . there must be some humor in there, right? I’m thinking our creator is feeling much like the parent of wayward teens feels. Back to my window, where a variety of wood pecking type birds have been visiting the feeders. There is the Northern Flicker
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the Hairy Woodpecker
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and the White-Headed Woodpecker
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Our nights have been cold and frosty, in the low to mid 20s. Our days have been chilly, but not frosty. Not yet. It’s coming though. The fall colors have mostly fallen to the ground, although over the mountains to the west the colors are at their peak. We went over there on a recent day for our Costco fix, and so The Gracious One’s husband could visit his “candy store” – Harbor Freight Tools. We were talking about how, when we visit that side of the mountains in the spring when they are a few weeks ahead of us, and in the fall when they are a few weeks behind us, it makes me think maybe that is the side of the mountains on which I should live. And then I pay attention to the traffic – the steady stream of cars preventing easy exit from a small side street that has no signal lights – and I think about the temperatures in the summer months, when getting out of the air conditioned car or building requires girding of the loins, taking a deep breath and seeking shade – and I think, “no, this is not where I wish to be”. How the desert people in places like Arizona and southern California do it during summer months, I do not know. Not for me, that I do know.

At home, on the eastern side of those mountains, the Spotted Towhees seem to have moved on. I have not seen the family that played in the bushes outside my windows last month for awhile now. In their place, there is the Varied Thrush, fulfilling the space for the orange and black birds. He (or she?) is a beauty, to my eyes at least.
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The Chickadees and Nuthatches have been busy, visiting the feeders in groups. Flitting about the branches of the bird tree. They seem to have purpose. I have ideas, I have thoughts about what I could do. One day – soon I think – I will act on those thoughts and ideas. Because winter is coming and that is the time to do inside things, like make slipcovers for the morning room chairs, maybe new window coverings. Although no, I don’t want things that cover my windows, I want things that trim my windows, add interest to my windows. I’m undecided about exactly what, so until I make that decision, I will only think about it.

Yesterday when I was sitting at the desktop computer, where I am sitting now, I heard scratching noises at the window that looks out to the front deck. There was a squirrel gone slightly mad, I think, because he was jumping up against the window but finding nothing to hold on to. Then he moved over a bit, and jumped up on the end of the window that has a screen.
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Twiggy girl was sleeping in the chair next to me, but the scrabbling noises got her attention and required her investigation.
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Nearly nose to nose, they were. Good thing there was glass and screen between them! The Twiggy girl has recovered well from her surgery and is back to eating as if there is no tomorrow. However, the biopsy test indicated that she has Lymphoma, although both the vet and I wonder about that because she has bounced back from surgery so quickly. Double check the test they did, and they say yes, she has it. We opted to treat her with Prednisone. Now I need to find a way to get the medication in her. As the vet said, she gets cranky about things like that. She is not cooperative. So next trip to town I will buy some pill pockets for cats and see if that will work. My suspicion is she will catch on, but it’s worth a try.

And so now I have typed nearly one thousand words, but I think I have said nothing. That’s fine, because I don’t wanna.

What I do want is for each of you to have a day filled with enough. Enough love, joy, good things.

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About Carol

I'm me - nothing unusual, just me. Widowed, 2 grown children who are my best friends, 2 dogs, 1 cat, retired, loving being retired. I am woman, I am strong.
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14 Responses to What Do You Do When You Just Don’t Wanna?

  1. suzicate says:

    The birds are so pretty. The squirrel climbing the screen cracked me up!

    Like

  2. ghostmmnc says:

    I know that feeling of just not wanting to do anything. Then thinking I should do ‘something’, so get up and wander around trying to find some little something to do for a few minutes. Then it’s back to just sitting there. …Your pictures are so nice to look at. Such a variety of birds you have there, I’d be looking out all the time šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. HI Carol,
    My friend Meg is trying to train me out of using the word “ought.” There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the quiet, birdwatching, and taking care of the girls. You did manage to share a lot of thoughtful stuff in your 1000 words, and I loved the photos of the squirrel. I “ought” to have been writing yesterday when I logged onto Travel Zoo for half an hour yesterday and looked at some of the incredible travel bargains there–China for $549, including airfare from San Francisco?!?!? (or something like that). Maybe you and The Gracious One and The Artistic One would want (not ought) to look at a winter trip. Then I can travel with you all vicariously as I read about it on your blog (although I am just as happy to follow you around the backyard from birdfeeder to birdfeeder.)
    xoxo
    n

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    • Carol says:

      I had a friend years ago who hammered at me until I quit using “should”. But the WASP ethic lingers on and I feel I “ought” to be doing constructive things.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sometimes we need to allow ourselves time to recharge our batteries and fill up our story banks. You are coming out of a very difficult period of your life. It takes time to settle back in and go easy on yourself. They say adjusting to jet lag one requires at least a full day of recovery for each hour of time difference. Coming out of an extended and intense period of caregiving and loss, in my opinion, requires at least as much time to recover from as a horrific case of jet lag. If there are any ‘shoulds’ or ‘oughts’ in your life, it ‘ought’ to be about being as kind and gentle to yourself as possible. Time to make a list of things that make you feel good. Planning a trip. Putting together a CARE package for the kids and anticipating their pleasure at receiving it. Decorating for Christmas as early as you want–putting up way too many twinkle lights and basking in the glow. A bowl of popcorn with real butter and a really good movie. Going for a walk with a friend. And never forgetting that you deserve as much consideration and kindness from yourself as you give to others.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Like you, Carol, I too have been struggling with not wanting to do anything lately. I’ve been feeling a certain malaise, although as of yesterday, I’m starting to feel slightly more motivated. It was unseasonably warm here this week, maybe that’s why. I so much prefer cooler weather, and after having lived recently in hot or humid/hot climates, I am so ready for the cold. I feel more energetic when it’s cold for some reason.

    That is a crazy squirrel who decided to climb up on your screen! No wonder Twiggy got up to investigate.

    Have a nice weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have those feelings too at times. That I ought to be doing something even though I am not sure what it is I ought to be doing. One thing I am sure of is that watching the news is pretty depressing these days and watching the antics of squirrels, birds and pets is a better way to spend the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carol ā€” Every now and then I, too, am visited by “I just don’t wanna.” She doesn’t stay long; just long enough for me to recharge my batteries before I zoom back into yes-I-do mode. I love the photo of the un-side-down squirrel on the screen nose-to-nose with Twiggy.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. blondieaka says:

    I had a lovely time just wandering through your day with you, love the way you have captured Mr. Squirrel and such pretty birds šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  8. LG says:

    Yeah, I relate. I go through those at times too. Usually this phase is followed by a super-frenzied phase for me. What about you?
    “ought” is a good word to use. I ought to try to use it more often.

    Like

    • Carol says:

      I don’t get many super-frenzied times anymore, but after a period of do-nothing, things will start to get to me and I’ll have a couple days of dedicated list-making and getting things on the list done. Then the Cheshire Cat grin overtakes me.

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  9. Lisa says:

    Yes, I agree our Creator probably feels much like it’s much like herding cats to watch us mere mortals screw up so much. I hate reading headlines too. But why watch the news when you have such wonderful shows going on outside your window?! That would do more for me to recharge my batteries than anything else. But I find that sometimes, the mind needs to override the will and force the body to get up and change behavior…..knowing that it will change the attitude. Hope your “don’t wannas” want to move on soon. Take care, my friend. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Joanne says:

    I really enjoyed reading your nearly a thousand words of saying nothing, Carol. It’s lovely to have a chat ever now and then, nothing specific, just to catch up. I especially love the photo of Twiggy and the squirrel. šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  11. leendadll says:

    i really love the skwerl/screen pic!

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