Passages

It is late – the time I am usually in bed, or at least going to bed. But tonight brought surprises, and I have these words roiling around that need to be expressed.

My daughter called me tonight. She had news about her father, my former husband, a man who had separated himself from us, from all that he had known. His parents had both passed, his brother died from alcoholism, he was living alone and, from what I can gather, his life was sad. My daughter had Googled his name and county of residence, and what she found was an obituary. From August of 2018. The obituary stated he died in the hospital on that date.”No family came forward.”

He died, from causes unknown, alone. Apparently he had no documentation that listed either myself or his children as family, as contacts.

We have had no contact for many many years. He had some contact with the kids for awhile, but it was sporadic and usually when he needed help, for a few years, but that diminished.

I am awake now, when I should be sleeping, thinking about passages. Thinking about living a life that leaves you completely alone. With no one to say goodbye, no one to miss your presence. I cannot imagine. I feel an infinite sadness.

I cannot imagine. Seventy-eight years of living, to die alone? What leads us to choose paths that lead to this? How do we get there? If I had known, I would have responded. But what could I have said? I know nothing of his last years – 50 years maybe? No, it can’t have been that long, but close to it.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear it? If a life passes without anyone to acknowledge it, did the life exist?

How do we pass in such an alone manner? How do we pass with nothing? A life without enough.

Questions without answers.

About Carol

I'm me - nothing unusual, just me. Widowed, 2 grown children who are my best friends, 1 dog, retired, loving being retired. I am woman, I am strong.
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15 Responses to Passages

  1. Something like that certainly makes you think. I hope you are OK.

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  2. Kathy says:

    Passages of life indeed… I am sorry that one who was once precious to you has died alone without the life-giving balm of his family. I am also feeling glad that you have chosen a different path into love. Blessings, my friend.

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  3. How sad……. and thought provoking. I would hate to die alone, and was glad I was at my Dad’s side as was my Mum and Bro when he passed away. I hope my sister was with Mum when she passed, but I will never know as she shut me out.
    I am sorry for your loss. Even though time has passed, it is fresh knowledge and for you and your family, current.

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  4. Carol — I’m sorry that his passing went unnoticed and unattended by others. It sounds like his choices led to the solitary, non-family, non-friend ending to his life.

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  5. loisajay says:

    Carol–I am so sorry. For you, for him, and for your daughter. Gone for almost two years and no one knew. That is sad.

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  6. Robin says:

    How very sad for him, and for all of you. 😦

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  7. Laura says:

    Oh my, that’s quite a lot to take in. I hope your daughter is handling it okay. I hope you are, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Helen says:

    That’s so sad to die alone and with no one to remember you.

    Liked by 1 person

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