I Am So Ashamed

I made a huge mistake yesterday. I doubt I will ever do that again. I turned the TV on early in the morning (I’m in the west), and spent my day listening, watching, ultimately weeping.

You all know what I’m talking about. The Judiciary Committee “hearing” – the one that turned into a partisan madhouse. Yes, that one.

In the beginning, I felt Christine Blasey-Ford presented her case calmly – or as calm as one could be in the circumstances, knowing full well you would be condemned later – as well as she could given the passage of time. I’ll interrupt myself here – for those of you who criticize because she didn’t come forward years ago – give that some thought. Men rule the world – still – and men will stick together for the most part – so obviously if a woman was “assaulted” it wasn’t the man’s fault. She was “asking for it”. The way she dressed, the way she walked, the fact that she existed. To a very large degree, women existed to satisfy men, women were property.

Who of us can remember the details of our teen years, when our teen years were a quarter of a century ago. Some episodes, yes – like an attempted rape – but clear details about location, precise date and time? I doubt it.  In any case, I believed Dr. Blasey-Ford, based on her testimony.

Then Kavanaugh had his turn. His belligerent, partisan opening speech gave me pause – was this a man who feared being found out, or a man angry at an undeserved accusation? He could be either – but his demeanor, particularly his partisanship, dismayed me and made me wonder about his being a judge on the Supreme Court, a position I would think required, or at least deserved, neutrality. Is he that? I don’t think so.

And then there were the members of the committee who showed themselves to care only for their party. Grassley’s pat on the head and “you’ve been a good girl” closing comment to Dr Blasey-Ford as he closed the segment of the session involving her testimony. Lindsey Graham’s ignoring some of what she said then bursting into a most unprofessional, partisan condemnation of those who opposed his position during Kavanaugh’s time before the committee. Kavanaugh’s absolute refusal to just answer some questions instead of reiterating his rant of his life being destroyed and refuting the need for a real investigation because he was there, now, to answer questions.

And he was. But where were the others? Where was Mark Judge, Deborah Ramirzez, the others who had things to say about his man? I know the Committee asked questions of some, but not all. I know that in theory lying to the Committee is a felony. But the Committee is not made up of professional neutral investigators. So why not call in the FBI to investigate this specific topic? That would at least provide a chance of gaining more knowledge, more facts, a better opportunity to make an educated, reasonable decision.

We will never know the real truth. Our government in action. I’m very very sad.

About Carol

I'm me - nothing unusual, just me. Widowed, 2 grown children who are my best friends, 1 dog, retired, loving being retired. I am woman, I am strong.
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10 Responses to I Am So Ashamed

  1. dawnkinster says:

    I think we all need a break. I only watched bits and pieces of it because it made me ill. I’m sorry she had to go through all that when the outcome was inevitable. But I applaud her for trying. She’s a brave woman and I hope America tells her that.


  2. My sympathies. I NEVER turn on the TV to watch news any more, I can’t. It’s far too disheartening or stupid – the things considered ‘news’ make my acid reflux that much worse. There’s a whole raft of commentary on this latest debacle – some of which you’ve no doubt read right here. I’ve stopped talking about it because, being a woman, my voice is not heard. Sad.


  3. It made me sad, angry, and sick, Carol. Before Kavanaugh performed, I posted this hopeful entry:



  4. I applaud Dawn’s sentiments: “She’s a brave woman and I hope America tells her that.”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You wouldn’t think it would be too much to ask that for once party politics could be put aside and people would just listen but apparently it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Robin says:

    I made the same mistake, Carol, and I’m still trying to recover from it. Something happened to me at a party when I was in high school, and listening to Dr. Blasey-Ford’s testimony was very, very difficult. Her bravery is astounding, especially in light of the fact that we all know those old white Republican men are determined to push Kavanaugh through no matter what. The good news, maybe, is that there will be an FBI investigation. What remains to be seen is how limited in scope it is.

    I agree with you about his demeanor and partisanship. That opening statement stunned me. He reminded me of every belligerent drunk I’ve ever known (and I’ve known a few). He reacted in a way that is typical of abusers, yelling, (fake) crying, and upset because he got caught and might lose what he thinks he is entitled to have.


  7. Laura says:

    This is a wonderfully calm piece looking at a horribly traumatizing day — how on earth did you do it? I’m impressed. REALLY impressed. I left town Friday afternoon and literally shut myself off from all news sources just so I could put myself back together again. Now I guess it’s another week of waiting — again — to see how a bunch of men decide my life.


    • Carol says:

      It only managed to be calm because it was not written the day of, but the day after. And I had Alexa playing ocean sounds for me prior to and during the writing. Now, however – not as calm. I just read that McConnell ways this is just character assassination and they will vote this week. The words whirling around in my head are neither calm, not kind.


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