What Do You Do When You Just Don’t Wanna?

What to do, what to do? I don’t want to. Motivation is a problem. Thoughts wander through my brain, but they do not linger. Spurts of energy, a day or two of getting things done, then – I don’t want to. So I don’t.

The brain isn’t in the “let’s go take pictures” mode. The brain isn’t in the do anything mode. So I sit in my morning room, looking out my window. Reading a little, playing silly games, oh yes! I must go do – something. Gather up Bailey balls and get them in the basket that is there to hold the Bailey balls, because she spreads them hither, thither and yon. Which is what Shasta does with her bones. I buy marrow bones for those big furry girls, which they love but which Shasta says she “needs”. Then, back to my window. Oh look, breakfast companions! Unusual for a Stellar Jay to be willing to share space with any other creature, so this must be recorded for history!

Check my email, read the headlines. Depressing. The headlines do not inspire me to feel uplifted, creative, hopeful. Perhaps I need to develop more of a sense of humor when reading the headlines. Airplanes fall from the sky, we send troops into yet another country in the middle east, our politicians play political games, bowing to the groups that have the most money to fill their coffers . . . there must be some humor in there, right? I’m thinking our creator is feeling much like the parent of wayward teens feels. Back to my window, where a variety of wood pecking type birds have been visiting the feeders. There is the Northern Flicker

the Hairy Woodpecker

and the White-Headed Woodpecker

Our nights have been cold and frosty, in the low to mid 20s. Our days have been chilly, but not frosty. Not yet. It’s coming though. The fall colors have mostly fallen to the ground, although over the mountains to the west the colors are at their peak. We went over there on a recent day for our Costco fix, and so The Gracious One’s husband could visit his “candy store” – Harbor Freight Tools. We were talking about how, when we visit that side of the mountains in the spring when they are a few weeks ahead of us, and in the fall when they are a few weeks behind us, it makes me think maybe that is the side of the mountains on which I should live. And then I pay attention to the traffic – the steady stream of cars preventing easy exit from a small side street that has no signal lights – and I think about the temperatures in the summer months, when getting out of the air conditioned car or building requires girding of the loins, taking a deep breath and seeking shade – and I think, “no, this is not where I wish to be”. How the desert people in places like Arizona and southern California do it during summer months, I do not know. Not for me, that I do know.

At home, on the eastern side of those mountains, the Spotted Towhees seem to have moved on. I have not seen the family that played in the bushes outside my windows last month for awhile now. In their place, there is the Varied Thrush, fulfilling the space for the orange and black birds. He (or she?) is a beauty, to my eyes at least.

The Chickadees and Nuthatches have been busy, visiting the feeders in groups. Flitting about the branches of the bird tree. They seem to have purpose. I have ideas, I have thoughts about what I could do. One day – soon I think – I will act on those thoughts and ideas. Because winter is coming and that is the time to do inside things, like make slipcovers for the morning room chairs, maybe new window coverings. Although no, I don’t want things that cover my windows, I want things that trim my windows, add interest to my windows. I’m undecided about exactly what, so until I make that decision, I will only think about it.

Yesterday when I was sitting at the desktop computer, where I am sitting now, I heard scratching noises at the window that looks out to the front deck. There was a squirrel gone slightly mad, I think, because he was jumping up against the window but finding nothing to hold on to. Then he moved over a bit, and jumped up on the end of the window that has a screen.

Twiggy girl was sleeping in the chair next to me, but the scrabbling noises got her attention and required her investigation.

Nearly nose to nose, they were. Good thing there was glass and screen between them! The Twiggy girl has recovered well from her surgery and is back to eating as if there is no tomorrow. However, the biopsy test indicated that she has Lymphoma, although both the vet and I wonder about that because she has bounced back from surgery so quickly. Double check the test they did, and they say yes, she has it. We opted to treat her with Prednisone. Now I need to find a way to get the medication in her. As the vet said, she gets cranky about things like that. She is not cooperative. So next trip to town I will buy some pill pockets for cats and see if that will work. My suspicion is she will catch on, but it’s worth a try.

And so now I have typed nearly one thousand words, but I think I have said nothing. That’s fine, because I don’t wanna.

What I do want is for each of you to have a day filled with enough. Enough love, joy, good things.