Go Away, Funk!

This summer has felt like a period of transition for me; restlessness yet a lack of motivation; appreciation for my quiet life, yet a sense of discontent; attempting to adapt to a change in body shape – most likely due to the lack of motivation and activity, as well as getting older. Wiser? Probably not. But older, yes. Yesterday morning, as I sat in my morning room with my coffee and watched the feathered and furred critters outside, we had a talk, myself and me/I. The talk was interrupted, of course, by those critters catching my attention, like this little guy. Not sure if he’s Chip or Dale, but one of them he is, I’m certain.

Chip? Or Dale?

Chip? Or Dale?

Myself has been fighting the funk, protesting the weight gain, talking about doing something about both. But me/I have been languishing, not wishing to move anymore than necessary, trying to understand but yet, stuck in neutral. Myself has been reminding me that life changes, the one constant is that change. I say, “yeah, sure. Okay, fine. Now leave me alone”. Myself has wanted to kick me in the butt. Often. But sometimes I am stronger than myself. I am more stubborn. Oh look! The Towhee is having a fine time in the water spray from the sprinklers!

Hey! Pay attention here, myself tells me. You’ve been exaggerating these odd little physical feelings, you’ve been manufacturing problems out of things that are normal, that are explainable. You’ve been rejecting logic, and allowing anxiety to take over. Myself is a lot wiser than me, ofttimes. Myself has suddenly realized that, for the first 15 or 16 months after husband died, we kept ourselves very busy, myself and me/I. We traveled, through the generosity of family and friends. We did some redecorating in the house. We spent lots of time going places and seeing things while the Artistic One still lived in the neighborhood. We hid from the recognition of reality. We had a good time, that we did, and we would not change a thing. But now – now it’s time to recognize that we are – alone. Yes, we have the furry girls, our warm bundles of companionship – they need us, and we need that feeling of being needed. But we are alone. We need to acknowledge that, accept that, move on. Get off our Duff and get things done. Stop wallowing.

So – the big furry girls and I went for a walk in the afternoon, after we had picked up some pine cones, did a tiny bit of decluttering in the house, had coffee and a conversation that provided some release with the Social Flutterby, had lunch and took a nap. Our walk was a short one, but we moved. We got off our Duff and moved!

Myself and I took the camera, clicked it at a few of the sights along our little road – looking at the world with eyes wide open, seeing what we have been ignoring.

Bailey came with us, showing some excitement at “going for a walk”. She doesn’t venture out much these days – the old arthritic joints make it hard for her. But yesterday, she was eager. Shasta is always eager. For Shasta, going for a walk is always an adventure. She is the eternal optimistic.

The colors around us are turning to fall colors. The wild grasses have gone golden, the aspen in the distance are beginning to show some of that gold. The pines are beginning to shed their needles, along with more pine cones. They seem to have an endless supply!

When Bailey started straggling behind, when she appeared to have decided to go no further, Shasta and I turned around to rejoin her and head back the short distance to the house. The old girl hobbled a bit as we approached the yard, and when we got as far as the shade of the first tree in the yard, she said “okay. Time for me to rest”.

Shasta did what Shasta does in the green green grass of summer. She rolled. She soaked up the wonderful feeling of rolling in the grass. She was a happy girl.

I rubbed bellies a bit, then headed to the house. The burning bush shown in all its glory in the afternoon sun, adding spots of brilliance to the yard. The back of the house faces the front yard – I know, incongruous, isn’t it?

When we placed the house on the property, I wanted the Morning Room to face East, and I wanted the main view through the morning room windows to not be the road. Bedrooms can face the road – who spends many daylight hours in the bedrooms anyway? So entrance to our home is always through either the back door or the morning room door. The front door leads to the front deck, and is where Twiggy hollers to come in during the wee hours of nights that she goes out. That is the purpose of the front door. That’s just how it is! There’s nothing says we have to follow the norm, anyway.

And so Myself and Me/I have come to an agreement, and we are going to get out and move more. We’re going to be more productive, but we will continue to preserve a good part of the day for ourselves, to do with as we please. And we’re going to accept the fact that with age, changes come and we will accept the fact that we will be happy to spend our days in those jeans we just bought that are a bigger size than we have ever worn before. That’s just how it is!

About Carol

I'm me - nothing unusual, just me. Widowed, 2 grown children who are my best friends, 1 dog, retired, loving being retired. I am woman, I am strong.
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16 Responses to Go Away, Funk!

  1. Robin says:

    The folks who built our house should have done the same. They faced the front towards the road, but no one ever uses the front door. There isn’t even a walkway to it, and the driveway is situated near the back door so that’s the door everyone enters the house through.

    Sometimes all that downtime is need, and when it’s enough and time to move again, those first few steps usually do the trick. 🙂

    I wish I had the same kind of enthusiasm as Shasta. Rolling in the grass looks like fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lakeafton says:

    I too, have my days of doing next to nothing. I’ve neglected exercise and blame it on sinus and allergies. One of these days…………

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cee Neuner says:

    Carol, your house located the way is seems just perfect for you. I want to say a couple of things. Grief is not a single event and you get over it. You loved your husband and he was a huge part of your life for a long time. I still remember the tribute you wrote after he died…it was so very beautiful. It is the quiet times that we still feel the grief and continue to recover from our losses. The other thing, this year has been a long hot summer and we are not used to it. It takes a toll on our bodies and the older we are … we feel it and respond to it. Even my very healthy and early 40s qigong Master and teacher said during the worst of the heat she had to stay inside and more get more sleep. I’m just telling you you have had a lot to deal with this summer and this past 15 months or so. Be gentle with yourself. Go on your walks and take your camera and enjoy Chip or Dale along the way.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Carol – I love that you bucked convention and put your house on your property to suit you, not to suit a “norm.” And I absolutely agree with Cee, “Grief is not a single event and you get over it.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Joanne says:

    I like what Cee has said, and she’s right, of course. The heat of summer takes its toll, I know how weary I feel by February each year, and when the cooler weather arrives, it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders! As you said, friends have kept you occupied, but life is quieter now, so you are dragging yourself around some, noticing too much, but this will pass, autumn has arrived for you, and you have given yourself a good talking to. You’ve made a start. You’ll be okay. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. suzicate says:

    I’ve been in a funk as well. Perhaps it’s because like you I haven’t been out and about as much. Hoping this transition into fall (my favorite season) will lift my spirits. Hope your spirits are lifted, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. dawnkinster says:

    Everyone grieves in a unique way. You were busy at the beginning but now you’ve had time to realize that life is permanently changed. That’s often a hard realization. Plus the whole weight thing…I swear as we get older it just piles on of it’s own accord. I too am working on getting out of the pants that are larger than I’ve ever worn before. A fitbit is helping me do that…now instead of avoiding that extra flight of stairs I think “Well at least I’ll get a flight of stairs credit for this!”

    I agree with Cee…be easy on yourself, take a walk every day even if it’s short, and explore what sorts of things you want to do to stay busy this winter.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Heather says:

    Sometimes our duffs are right where we need to be. Sometimes we need to get off our duffs just to see why we shouldn’t always be there. There’s room for both, as always. Hugs to Yourself and You.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. pattisj says:

    I’ve not much to add to the wise counsel you’ve received already. I need to take my camera for a walk more often. Lately, my schedule has been dictated by others. If I start out with Plan A, then something throws a wrench in the works, I forget to improvise a Plan B. I need to work on that, rather than let it steal my day. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. loisajay says:

    “…do as we please.” Oh, enjoy that, Carol. I think it is so wonderful that you can. I enjoyed this post very much.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Karma says:

    Hi Carol. I enjoyed this very poignant post. Although my situation is different, I feel like we are going through much of the same. I’m adjusting too. My alone is different, but at times I feel VERY alone. I too need to kick myself out of funks, and take some pleasure in time spent with the furry ones of the family. We could all probably take a lesson from Shasta!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. leendadll says:

    Me/myself/I came to the opposite agreement… after years of being on the go, “clubbing” several nights a week, I have decided to let myself just stay home and do nothing (seriously, nothing – not even chores). It feeds the depression but reduces the anxiety. For now.
    Lovely pics. I want to lay in the grass and cuddle with your doggies!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Lisa says:

    I share your funk…as I sit here waiting for Entrepreneur to call me with the results of his latest CT scans. But there is something so soothing about your writings….I find myself (and me) a bit calmer and more relaxed. Will you move to middle Missouri? 🙂


    • Carol says:

      But it’s so hot and humid there. You could come here. Next time, don’t bring your own tea – I have Earl Grey, chamomile, lemon with ginger, peppermint, oolong and pomegranate with white tea, as well as honey.


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