Driving down the road the other day seeing the cows in the fields, each of them bearing their identification tags in their ears, I wondered if those tags annoy them, hanging down as they do where they could be caught in the peripheral vision. I think they would make me crazy, much like too-long earrings that tickle my neck. I suppose those tags are preferable to the old way of identifying ownership however – branding seems much less humane. But still – must they hang down like that?
Some days stretch out long, leading to an unknown destination. Some days feel like a trek into wilderness, waiting to be explored. Some days feel like that trek is best made alone, in silence, with nothing drawing my attention other than what is right around me. Other days I wish for that trek to take me to warm places with happy faces.
Some days – in the wee hours of the morning most often – memories creep in. Happy memories at first – trips husband and I took, what we saw and how easily we traveled together, welcoming detours to see what there was to see, in no hurry most of the time. But then those memories turn from the good years and good times to the last few years of his life, and sadness creeps in. The contrast between what he was and what he became – what our life was, and what it became. I wish not to remember those last years. I wish to isolate those years and remember the good times. Those last years are wounds that should be covered, I think. Hidden from view. I remind myself that wounds heal over, given time. Time.
There is always light, even in the darkest of times. Light to show us the way, to guide us on the path of life. To shine brightly, to cast away the darkness. In that light, there will be enough. I know this. I do. Some days though, the random thoughts dim that light. So then I think of the cows with their annoying hanging-down tags. Silly, isn’t it, to wonder what the cows think of it? I think of the silly tiny little hummingbird who often claims the tree outside my window, gathering all of its energy to attempt intimidation of the other birds that think they should share the tree. And the light shines more brightly, the random thoughts grow more sprightly. I made a rhyme! Are you impressed? No? But I get credit for trying, yes?
In all of this, these random thoughts with varying emotions, there is the knowledge that we adapt – when we cannot change things, when we cannot control the annoyances that intrude into our lives, our thoughts, we adapt. Because that’s how we are. Because that’s what allows us to go on, from one day to the next, always seeking enough and ultimately finding it. Ultimately rejoicing in it.
It is that thought that makes it all okay – I have enough.