First I must tell you that I am not a cryer. Most of the time, I am pretty stoic. Not to say I am without passion, but I do not readily display my feelings for the world to see. Today, however, my tears are leaving tracks on my cheeks. Today the world is too heavy. Today it is asking too much. Today I want to scream, to say I think it is unfair!
Today my dear friend who has been suffering with her husband – her husband whose health issues were not detected until he had gone ahead of her to Arizona for the winter. Her husband who at first tried to protect her from his health problems, but when she learned of them she immediately flew to be with him. It has been, and still is, a battle of large proportion, but it seems to be a battle that is not ending – one where new skirmishes keep cropping up. A battle that is giving her no rest, him no comfort. This morning brought more bad news. And my tears made tracks.
I am weary. I am sad. She is essentially alone down there. Although we are suffering many of the same things with our husbands and their declining health, I have friends near me. I have a support system. She suffers alone. I would be there if I could. I would wrap my arms around her and tell her I understand. I would tell her to be strong. I would tell her to take care of herself. I would tell her she will survive.
I cannot be with her. I can pray for her and for him. But. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of hearing her suffer, hearing of her husband’s suffering, watching my husband suffer from pain. Physical and emotional. The physical pain and debilitation prevent him from doing the things he has always done, even a reduced amount of the things he has always done. The physical pain creates the emotional pain. His pain creates pain for me and for those around us who love him.
My tears are leaving tracks. Those tracks may never disappear.
Today – it is not enough.