A Position to the Right of Sadness

Sometimes I find myself to the right of sadness
Sometimes I feel the world is too heavy
Sometimes living with a life fading is emotionally draining
Sometimes watching a loved one diminish hurts too much to bear
Sometimes I resent being needed
Sometimes I feel I am needed more than I am able to give
Sometimes the transition from a partnership, a loving spousal relationship to a caregiving relationship is hard
Sometimes I feel whiney and I indulge in a pity party, like now – and then I don’t like myself so very much
Sometimes I need to remind myself to shape up, chin up, deal with the life that has been dealt and just get on with it
But still, sometimes I feel very trapped

This too shall pass.

I know this will pass, because the process of putting these words down in black and white, the unloading of these feelings, helps these feelings to go away. The process of writing, of sharing, makes me realize it could be so much worse. So very much worse.

20121114-121228.jpg In this life, I have shrubs painted with a gradient. So much beauty.

20121114-121322.jpg In this life, I have toadstools unlike any I’ve seen before growing outside my window.

20121114-121404.jpg
In this life I have a silly Lily kitty, who amazes me with her new favorite places to sleep.

20121114-121502.jpg In this life I have the north side of the house squirrel, who is as yet unnamed.

20121114-121559.jpg In this life I have the south side of the house squirrel, who has been named Squi.

20121114-121650.jpg In this life, I have a warm glow from inside beckoning me to return, to come back in after taking the large furry girls out for their pre-bedtime break.

In this life, there is much to appreciate, much to be grateful for. I have enough. I hope you also have enough.

About Carol

I'm me - nothing unusual, just me. Widowed, 2 grown children who are my best friends, 1 dog, retired, loving being retired. I am woman, I am strong.
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15 Responses to A Position to the Right of Sadness

  1. Robin says:

    Carol, This is beautifully written. It is beautifully said – so much honesty and vulnerability. To be grateful for where we are in life, to embrace the good and the difficult, to see the brighter side – it isn’t always easy. Inspiring.
    (Beautiful photos, too.)

    Like

  2. Cee Neuner says:

    We all need a pity party sometimes….we need to get those feelings felt and cleared out, before we can regain our normal cheery attitude. I know I have my moments and they aren’t very pretty…I just read your little bio aove….and yes you are STRONG.

    Like

  3. Heather says:

    You are allowed your moments, and you will get through them. We’re here for you to unload upon, and will help lighten the load if we may. Grateful that you can still find beauty in your dark times, and that you do still have a warm place to return to. Hugs to you Carol.

    Like

  4. Lisa says:

    I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. Words tend to fail in times like these. All I can say is you have many people willing to be your support. xoxox

    Like

  5. Phyl says:

    I hear you loud and clear. It is a mirror of how I too sometimes feel.

    Like

  6. Northern Narratives says:

    Your words beautifully describe the many aspects of life we humans live.

    Like

  7. yes, Yes, YES – it’s one of the ingredients in the pie we call life.

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  8. suzicate says:

    …and knowing we have enough is half the battle; it’s what keeps us going. Big hugs to you, Carol. Life is often hard, but beautiful souls like you see the beauty in every day, even on the bleakest days.

    Like

  9. Angelia Sims says:

    My heart goes out to you and rejoices in your appreciation for the still moments you have. That Squi looks like a stinker pot. I need to start feeding our squirrels. We have quite the family in our yard. 🙂

    Like

  10. Lynne Ayers says:

    It’s a good reason to write – I have always found writing helps – sending hugs OOOO

    Like

  11. A pity party is good for you sometimes, it helps to offload the burden every now and then, to give yourself strength when you need it most. This post is so human, I bet every reader can really relate. Take care, I hope the good things keep mounting up for you.

    Like

  12. Your poem is beautifully written and felt from the heart. I, too, find writing is a way to unburden myself of negative thoughts. Sometimes the best way to move on is to acknowledge them and then set them aside. It is neither selfish nor whiny. I hope all the support from your followers gives you strength and encouragment. Best wishes to you as we head into the week of Thanksgiving. We all need to remember to count our blessings.

    Like

  13. Karma says:

    Nicely said and photographed, Carol. Thank you for the reminder about the little things to be thankful for.

    Like

  14. Dear Carol,
    You have such an elegant way with words. This is a beautiful piece of writing, and it says so much. You are not having a pity party. You are ALLOWED. You are carrying a heavy load, and yet you still manage to find things to be thankful for. But sometimes you have to just express your feelings, and acknowledge them. They are real, and justified, not that you need to justify your feelings to anyone. I have been a caregiver, and it is hard, exhausting, mentally and physically. Dear Carol, you are one of life’s little heroes, who keeps putting one foot in front of the other, despite the heavy burden you bear. Do not forget to be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
    With love,
    Naomi

    Like

  15. I love the words of your heartfelt poem, Carol. I’m glad you shared them with us. Don’t be too critical or hard on yourself; these circumstances would wear all of us down, no matter how much love you put into your caretaking. Peace & blessings to you… and lots of hugs. xxx

    Like

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