I spent some tIme yesterday going through my photo archives. Picking some pictures to accompany posts, since I’m not getting out and taking new ones. Playing with Photoshop Elements filters on some, just to see what would come out.
What came out was a black and white world. Filtered. Sometimes my world is filtered, but rarely is it black and white. Many shades of gray, that is what my world and I are. There are times when I wish it could be more clear cut, when it could be black and white, without the gray areas of questions, of unsureness, of doubting.
I am neither conservative nor liberal. I am neither Republican nor Democrat. I would like to be passive about politics, I would like not to care. I would like to say “I’m just not going to vote” and stick to it. Because I don’t know now for whom I wish to vote. I wish to vote for a new system. I wish for elected officials to truly care about us, the people of their country, and to do what is best for their country. I wish for them to deal fairly with issues, treating issues without concern for their party or their re-election possibilities. I wish for them to have a world more black and white. Or is it with more shades of gray? I’m not certain. My shades of gray, that uncertainty.
In conversations, comments are often filtered. Filtered because I wish to do no harm, I wish to not stir up trouble or hurt feelings. Although a couple of times recently I have found myself in the midst of conversations that seemed to just happen, about topics that I usually avoid, but somehow stumbled into. With the person who told me he treasures Fox News for its “fair and impartial” reporting. The Rupert Murdoch-owned Fox News. One of the things about which I am not gray. Obviously, he has his right to his opinions – but I view his opinion as one filtered many times, one not developed fair and impartially. I’m certain he felt the same about mine. About my astounded “are you really serious?” reaction.
There are days life feels fragmented, everything shooting out from a center, going many directions without rhyme or reason. At least without rhyme or reason that I can grasp. There is much about life, about this world, that I do not understand. That I question. That makes me want to weep. There is also much about this world that I love, from which I derive joy. There are days that are up, that are full of color. There are days that are down, that are filled with grays. This is how it is. How it will always be, how it has always been. It is up to us to learn to live with it, to survive it.
Survive it we will, because the alternative is not the answer.