Where There is Sadness, There is Hope

This morning, after the sun had come over the hill but still very early, my phone rang. A phone that rings that early is not bringing good news. That is a fact. That is how it goes.

The call was from my dear friend, the Artistic One. I have shared with you her suffering through the suffering of her husband over the past few months. His illness, which each day seemed to bring something new, more bad news. There were good days, and happily this past Friday was a very good day. Because, last night, his fight ended. Last night he passed on, into his heaven which is well populated with golf courses, I am sure. Golf was one of his passions, and I am sure he’s in a cart, hitting that little white ball across the pristine grass of an endless golf course. She has cried many tears over the past months, and will undoubtedly cry more. But where there is sadness, there is hope – for more happiness, more adventures, more time with friends and loved ones in the future. We will pray for that for her.

Because I do believe there is hope, I want to share some photos and some thoughts of a much more pleasant nature. With the Artistic One in my mind, in my heart, a little bit of nature’s beauty.

“Good morning” she says. “How are you today? Thank you for providing this delicious seed for me.”

Yesterday morning, Squi came looking for breakfast.

“There is no seed in this tray!”

Did you know squirrels will eat oranges? I did not. However, lacking seed in the tray, apparently the half orange I had put in the hands of the sun on the tree (upper right corner) for the orioles satisfied Squi’s appetite. When he finished eating the pulp, he casually tossed the peel on the ground. Litterbug!

This Red Crossbill has an especially brightly colored collar, don’cha think? I spied the color on the birdbath from my morning room window, but could not tell what kind of bird it was until I uploaded it.

Outside my window I have a basket hanging on a shepherd’s hook – I’ve shared a photo of it with the little pots of primrose that were waiting to be planted in the ground. It contains a new coir liner, and the remants of a coir liner from a couple of years ago, which is filled with soil and some winey-red Calibrochoa. This morning, this female oriole (or one of the other female orioles visiting us this year) was on this basket, carefully selecting bits of the old coir liner and flying off with them. It must be nest-building time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen young orioles, unless they look exactly like their parents by the time they leave the nest.

With that offering of a few spots of happiness, I will leave you all with this thought: give those you love hugs as often as you can. Let them know you love them as often as you can. Life is not unending. Make your life enough.

Today the Skies Cry, I Smile

I have to thank all of you for your comments, your support, your friendship. It always amazes me, that warmth of the bloggy world. It’s something you know is there with family and real-world friends, but that there is so much love in the blog world is astonishing! A wonderful reality check in this world where sometimes, when we watch the news and hear of the tragic events occurring, we wonder if all of the good is gone.

Writing is my release. I have always done this – I just have not always had that digital “publish” button to push and share those words. Yesterday was not good – in an attempt to deal with my feelings – and because the grass was becoming a jungle – I had gone out to mow the front lawn. While I was mowing in circles, my brain was also racing – in circles, straight lines, many directions. The words were pouring through it and I needed to get them down. On paper, albeit digital paper. So I took a break, came in for a cup of tea and poured my heart out on the iPad. Then shared with all who cared to read. Your responses were, as I said, stunning and heartwarming.

Today is raining. It’s a nice, steady rain, something that is needed here in our part of the state. Something that will make that grass grow, yes – and need mowing again soon. But it also makes the flowers grow and bloom and brighten our days. I am glad the sky chose to cry today – happy tears, I’m sure – because yesterday, I would have not viewed them as happy tears and the gray skies would have been suffocating.

I did go out earlier when it was more a sprinkly rain and fill the hummingbird/oriole feeders as well as the thistle seed feeders. All the feeders seem to need it, but those are closer and can be taken in the house or to the lean-to where the seed is stored to be filled. The tray feeders require standing outside. They will wait. Those birds will need to be patient.

Sitting here, I can see one of the feeders the orioles prefer. Never do I see two orioles at one feeder at a time. Is sharing not in their vocabulary? Then again, sharing is not in the Rufous Hummers vocabulary either – at least not in the dominant male’s vocab. I have been seeing a hummer this year that does not look exactly like either a Rufous or a Calliope, but could be either because it lights for such a short second and I do not get a good look. Today I caught a glimpse of it as it lighted, very briefly, on a bush outside my window and it looked a lot like a Xantus’s Hummer – but they have a very limited range and it is much further south says iBird. I hoped it would come back and stay just long enough to capture it with the camera, but it has not.

Yesterday the crabapple trees that were full of buds a day or so ago were full of blooms. I saw the blooms as I went past on the mower, but did not come in and get the camera. If the rain does not knock them all off, maybe tomorrow. The lilacs are bursting open, and I have cut enough to have two bouquets in the house, one next to my morning room chair where I can enjoy their fragrance with my morning coffee. Why is it I love the scent of the flowers, but once bought lilac cologne and thought it dreadful? Perhaps it’s just that nature does a better job than man.

Now to share a gallery of spring – more spring. It’s an ongoing thing. It makes me smile, just as I’m sure it makes you smile.

The newly planted foxglove

The very first blooms of the weeping cherry we planted two years ago

The-I’ve-forgotten-the-name-of-these-early-spring flowers that fill the back half of the old wheelbarrow

The new hydrangea, looking even brighter

The Tracks of my Tears

First I must tell you that I am not a cryer. Most of the time, I am pretty stoic. Not to say I am without passion, but I do not readily display my feelings for the world to see. Today, however, my tears are leaving tracks on my cheeks. Today the world is too heavy. Today it is asking too much. Today I want to scream, to say I think it is unfair!

Today my dear friend who has been suffering with her husband – her husband whose health issues were not detected until he had gone ahead of her to Arizona for the winter. Her husband who at first tried to protect her from his health problems, but when she learned of them she immediately flew to be with him. It has been, and still is, a battle of large proportion, but it seems to be a battle that is not ending – one where new skirmishes keep cropping up. A battle that is giving her no rest, him no comfort. This morning brought more bad news. And my tears made tracks.

I am weary. I am sad. She is essentially alone down there. Although we are suffering many of the same things with our husbands and their declining health, I have friends near me. I have a support system. She suffers alone. I would be there if I could. I would wrap my arms around her and tell her I understand. I would tell her to be strong. I would tell her to take care of herself. I would tell her she will survive.

I cannot be with her. I can pray for her and for him. But. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of hearing her suffer, hearing of her husband’s suffering, watching my husband suffer from pain. Physical and emotional. The physical pain and debilitation prevent him from doing the things he has always done, even a reduced amount of the things he has always done. The physical pain creates the emotional pain. His pain creates pain for me and for those around us who love him.

My tears are leaving tracks. Those tracks may never disappear.

Today – it is not enough.

Share Your World – 2013 Week 20

Cee has posted this week’s challenge to Share our Worlds. Try it, you’ll like it!

1. Do you like winter, or not, and why? I like winter. For the month of December, then it should go away. At least be warmer, and snow only in the mountains where it does the most good. I think low temps of above freezing and around or below 40 would be just fine, so precipitation would come as rain. At night. When we’re sleeping. What I don’t like is having to bundle to go outside and icy roads. But when I lived in Southern California and the no-winter novelty wore off, I really missed it. I like seasons.

2. Are you a listener or talker? It depends. A little of each. I like to visit with friends, I like to chat with people, but I don’t want to be just a listener or just a talker. I want back and forth. Sitting quietly with a friend is also just fine.

3. What is your favorite juice or fruit drink? I’m not big on fruit drinks, but in an effort to drink less cola, I started ordering flavored lemonades when I was out. Applebee’s introduced me to pomegranate lemonade, and that has become my favorite.

4. What do you have to be so happy about? What do most of us have to be happy about? I got up this morning, I can move around (although the back is complaining because I did too much planting yesterday), I see the sunshine, I hear the birds and the wind, I have furry girls to cuddle, I have family and friends that I love and that love me (these are not in any particular order of preference), I live in a great place. That is not to say life is perfect or there aren’t bad parts in this life, but it’s enough. I could ask for no more, really.

Now to share a little bit of Lily.

That’s it, roll in the dirt, you light-colored kitty!

Ha! The dirt makes you itch, doesn’t it?

That’s better – clean it up!

Whoops! Got caught and she wants to know why I insist on taking pictures of her private moments. Good thing she doesn’t know I put them out there for the world to see!

It’s Saturday, It’s Warm, It’s Wonderful

I am sitting on my front deck in capris and a tank top, because we are having incredible weather for May. It is 80 here, with a very gentle breeze. The birds are busy, eating and filling the air with their spring songs. Most years in May, I am sitting inside, looking out at weather that is not the least inviting, complaining that winter will never end. This. Is. Heaven.

A week ago, we were having heavy rain. Thundershowers. The angels were bowling, sending the rumble of their bowling balls down to earth, with flashes of light when they got a strike. I came out to capture the rain. Capturing rain is not much easier than capturing wind. Can you see it in this photo? It was a downpour. Half a block from us, I later learned, it was hail. Heavy hail. Big stones. In our yard, we were spared.

If I could not capture the rain effectively, I could get the runoff from the roof into the pot saucer that is sitting there. I don’t remember why that pot saucer is sitting there now. There was once a reason, I think.

There is a little hummingbird – but then, all hummingbirds are little, aren’t they? – coming to visit the feeder in front of me. He has an amazing purple throat – at least it looks purple in this light – in a half circle, reaching towards the back of this neck but stopping before it gets there, protruding from his neck just a little. Like scales. But hummingbirds don’t have scales. I know that. He does not look like the Rufous we usually have, and he is not the Calliope. Perhaps we have an early visitor. I’ll have to check iBird. iBird says it’s probably a Rufous, and advises that I am probably just wishful thinking, hoping for a more unusual visitor. I would share but my camera is – inside the house, of course. I need retraining to remember to always bring it out with me.

After the rain the black-headed Grosbeak came for dinner. That rain made the lawn oh-so happy, so this morning I mowed the back half. Some days I will do the whole lawn without a stop, but this day the sun was growing warm on my shoulders and I needed to use the string trimmer around the sprinkler heads. The front half of the lawn will wait, probably until Monday. Tomorrow I want to plant those plants I bought over a week ago. Perhaps fill the weed sprayer with more Round-up and spray the wayward grasses and weeds that are growing around the shrubs and trees. Last week I also bought a sprayer on wheels and it is so much easier to use than the kind that needs to be carried.

After the rain, the male Bullock’s Oriole also came for dinner. He detected my movement however and was hesitant about going to the nectar feeder. The male is much brighter, brassier and louder than the female. He complains voraciously when the girls and I are on the deck, invading his territory. He should realize it is I that provides nectar for him. He should be appreciative of that fact and allow me to enjoy my space and his presence.

This is my world. Husband just announced that he is having another sandwich and is fixing himself some soup – I am off the hook for dinner. I am happy. I will have a salad, which is my favorite thing when the weather is warm.

I am happy with my world. It is enough. I hope your world is enough.

Being Random with Lisa, Part 2

This is the second part of the post I stole this from Lisa at Peripheral Perceptions who stole it from Ramblin’ with Roger. Read at your own risk!

26: What was your favorite car­toon growing up? The Roadrunner – then when I had kids I wouldn’t let them watch it because it was too violent. Nobody said life was fair.

27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why? Cow. They have those big brown eyes. They can be petted. A pig doesn’t feel good to pet.

28: If you had to look at one city sky­line for the rest of your life, which would it be? Well, I dunno. I’m not that familiar with many city skylines. So – I’m going to say Portland because I like Portland and if one was looking at a skyline one would assume one was living there.

29: Longest plane ride you’ve ever been on? I think the ride to Seoul. I think that was longer than the trip to London. Far too long, was the ride to Seoul. I went to London and on to Warsaw in 1992 I think it was – flew British Airways and had wonderful leg room. United to Seoul – no leg room. No space, period.

30: The latest you’ve ever slept? Oh gosh – back in my days of youth when I could stay up till 2 or 3 a.m. on the weekends, I’d sleep till 10 or 11. No more of that now!

31: Would you buy a sweater cov­ered in kitten pic­tures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free? No I wouldn’t buy it. Given to me, I might wear it. Once. For the gifter’s benefit.

32: Do you pick at scabs? I try not to, but it has been known to happen when my mind is elsewhere.

33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto? Kidney. Lots of ways. In a mixed bean soup. On a salad. In chili. Love kidney beans.

34: How far can you throw a base­ball? I think I’ll stand on the 5th for this one. You’re just trying to embarrass me, aren’t you?

35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move? I think maybe the countryside of England. Because they speak English very similar to our English and there are lots of other countries not too far away that I could visit.

36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it? No on Ethiopian and Nepalese. I think no on Vietnamese. Korean, yes. Loved it. Except for the Kim-chi. That was an experiment never to be repeated.

37: Small, lib­eral arts school or public uni­ver­sity? Why? A few classes in a small community college until reality and the need to earn a living interfered. Before that, business school.

38: A rela­tion­ship with love or one with sex? Love. A hundred years ago when I was young I might have answered differently.

39: Do you eat enough veg­eta­bles? No and I have discussions with me about that all the time.

40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers? Horror, absolutely not. Thrillers – depends.

41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public? Hey! What you think I am?! Some crude guy? Of course not!

42: Do you swear in front of your par­ents? When they were alive, I did not. I suspect now they know all about everything I do. And they either laugh or frown.

43: Coolest thing you’ve ever been for Halloween? Seaweed. Someday maybe I’ll see if I have a picture of that.

44: If you could change your nat­ural hair color, would you? To what? when I was younger and my hair was a darker blonde, I went lighter. Red once. Briefly. Now, I have reached the age of the pigment leaving my hair and it’s a mixture of that light blonde I once coveted and gray. No point in coloring anymore.

45: Do you want to get mar­ried? Have kids? Been there, done that. Would I marry again if something happened to husband? No, I would not. Not saying married is a bad thing, just that I’ve been there, done that.

46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should. Yes. Am I not just so righteous?!

47: City or nature person? Nature. Visiting a city maybe once a year would be fine.

48: Have you ever used some­thing other than “makeup” as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?). Maybe before I was old enough to be allowed to wear makeup.

49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you’re a guy? I used to walk very well in heels every day, but they weren’t as tall then as they are now. Now? I’d probably break an ankle.

50: Post 5 awe­some things about your­self. BRAG AWAY! Another time to take the fifth. It’s not that I don’t think I have some good points – I just don’t think I want to brag about them if they’re good enough to be bragged about.

Below is a gallery of some more recent photos of spring blooms. Click on any photo for a slide show. Hover over photo to see caption.

Looking every which way

Cushion Spurge. I think.

My two remaining Darwin tulips, planted many years ago.

Delicate blossoms on a willow shrub.

Bergamot – the oil of which is used in Earl Grey tea.

Hydrangea – planted in a rock pocket in the hope it might survive our winter.

Here’s looking at you, kid!

Being Random with Lisa and Roger

I stole this from Lisa at Peripheral Perceptions who stole it from Ramblin’ with Roger. You probably think I have an incessant need to share about me, but I think it just looks like a lot of fun!

1: What eye color do you find sex­iest? I think that would be green. In my youth when sexy mattered, it wasn’t the eyes that got me – it was hairy legs on a man. TMI?

2: White, milk, or dark choco­late mocha? My chocolate has to be brown – not in favor of white. For a mocha, probably milk chocolate, with cinnamon, nutmeg and a bit of cloves.

3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be? What is a Sharpie tattoo? One drawn with a Sharpie pen? The permanent ink thing? Nope, nope, nope. Nada. If I were to get one of those it’ll-wash-off-easily-when-I’m-ready tattoos, it would be butterfly.

4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it? I grew up in many towns, mostly small. I’m not a big town girl, although it’s nice to have one not too far away for shopping.

5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your par­ents, if they were your favorite) I think it would have to be my girlfriend’s mother who often had fresh-baked rolls ready for us to consume with huge quantities of butter (or margerine? don’t remember) when we got home from school. This would have been freshman year I think, when we lived in Littleton,Colorado.

6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now? Peach. Second only to strawberry/banana.

7: Most embar­rassing moment from your ele­men­tary school years? Always, the first day in a new school. Which happened frequently.

8: Most embar­rassing moment from your middle school years? The first day of school in a new school. Have I mentioned we traveled a lot, and some years I’d go to 8 different schools, some years only 4.

9: Most embar­rassing moment from your high school years? That would be when we were going to move again and I withdrew from school, but then talked my parents into letting me stay with a girlfriend’s family, so I went back to that school and entering one of my classes said to the teacher “I’m back”. To which he replied “Were you gone?”. Talk about deflating!

10: Pirates or ninjas? Why? Oh – Ninjas I guess, for the reasons Lisa said. But I really would rather be Tinker Bell.

11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground? Probably -I climbed a lot of trees as a kid.

12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set? Yes, I did. I don’t know that I get excited when I see a swing set, but I do like the feeling of swinging, with the movement of the air.

13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get? Hmmm. Lisa said a horse, and I do find them truly beautiful. I like giraffes, because they are so long, lanky and graceful looking – although not so graceful when they run. But I think this would have to be a dog or a cat -something that would be in the house with me for cuddling.

14: What’s your most favorite part of your body? Hmmph! I preferred my body when it was young, although I think when I was young I wasn’t so thrilled with it. As Lisa said, I think this would be the eyes – which were also better when they were young.

15: What’s your most favorite part of your per­son­ality? I guess that I try to see more than one side of a topic. I try not to be judgmental or pessimistic – not saying I’m always successful.

16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares? Neither. It’s nice they can be who they are – if they are indeed who they are being, but really why should I even care?

17: Have you ever watched the Super Bowl all the way through? Yes, pretty much every year for the past several years. Although I do confess I am often knitting, crocheting, doing whatever my thing is at that time at the same time.

18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk? Not that I recall. I do remember a football game that involved Peppermint Schnapps many many years ago however.

19: What’s the most deli­cious food you’ve ever eaten in your life? Food prepared by someone else. What really comes to mind first is the Bipinbop I had in Korea and the Hot Pot in China.

20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with? Grew up with margerine. Remember the margerine that came in plastic pouches, was white and you had to break the capsule and work in in to make it yellow? So fun when I was a kid. Like butter, but not enough to spend the extra for it and I don’t like that it melts if not refrigerated and gets hard if refrigerated, so I pretend with Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?) Not really a milk fan, but I buy 2%.

22: Which con­ti­nents have you been on? North America – lots of the US. Asia and Europe, briefly and very small parts of them.

23: Do you get motion sick­ness? Any horror sto­ries? Used to get carsick if I read while riding.

24: Backpacks or satchels? Large purses with long shoulder straps? Although I think a backpack would be smarter.

25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants? A rainbow jacket and neon yellow sweater if I just felt like being fun.Checkered pants? Uh, nope!

Okay. That’s enough for now. I’m only halfway through but I see your eyes crossing and you gasping for breath and wishing this would just end. Please! So I’ll save the second half for another day. I was doing fine until I said the last part, huh?